Well, it's another great day to be alive....

So anyway, this guy Tom became my second brother, I guess you would say. He was a teacher and a good guy. I think he had a good heart and good intentions. But the one amazing thing he did, like the Celtics with Steve, was read "Of Mice and Men" with me. I think I had to do a book report or something in school. I don't know, but it was cool that it happened. Over time, our relationship never really bonded. He seemed to form more of a relationship with my mother than with me, and that became more of a Marc  against all of them.

Since I've been doing this, my life has been a lot better. It's been hard and cleansing, but it's a lot better. I'm often sad, angry, and frustrated, but my soul feels better. I feel growth and a sort of weird contentment, almost like the look George has when he's sitting on the train after what happens with Lenny. What was he supposed to do? He had to do it at that moment. It was crazy because there's a moment, if you watch the movie (which I actually watched yesterday to make sure I had my head right on it), that really blows my mind. It's when George is engulfed in everything: his future, what he's trying to get done, what he wants to do, how much he loves Lenny, and how much he wants to help him.

They often find themselves by this river where I frequently find myself. They take cover under the trees, surrounded by incessant chatter. You can hear someone saying, "I'm coming for Lenny." And honestly, Lenny kind of deserves it—he's made plenty of mistakes. Yet, in that moment, George is still trying to rationalize everything until Lenny says something that strikes George profoundly, like a box of rocks, leaving him unable to recover. At that moment, George realizes he has to kill Lenny. For me, it wasn't about death, but rather about displacement. When I heard the terms "master manipulator" and "I will do whatever I want," it resonated deeply.

You know, it made me realize a lot. Then another voice spoke and said, "I'm only here to help you." I replied, "I don't need your help.” I was helping them. The truth is, I was being used and abused. I was being punished by the same things that I love, just like George. And sadly, just like George, I couldn't see it. I was so focused on wanting to achieve success and nurture my "puppies," let's say, to become the greatest they could be. I would do anything for them, and I did, just like George. And just like George, I got these puppies to a great place, despite all the odds, the criticism, and the metaphorical acid rain that fell from everywhere, at any time, no matter what I did.

I even embedded myself into a program to try to help them and sold my soul to everyone else's puppies to make their puppies better, so that my puppies could be doing better in the end, I would just be the crazy man again. The audacity of this is that's exactly the state of our world. Our world is just a mess. I mean, we only record 6,000 years of history, which means 97% of our history is gone. If you go by the old texts from 240,000 years ago, our Anunnaki showed up. And the Sumerians say that they made humans to mine gold.

So everybody runs around wearing gold, but gold would be wheat. It would be mining food, right? Wouldn't that make more sense? Have you ever looked at a wheat field? It's golden. And not to be rude, but man, that makes some good food, right? I mean, this whole thing is crazy. So I guess what I'm trying to say is that all you can do as a soul is do the best you can. All you can do is try. You can't predict the future. You can't predict what things are going to do. You can't predict how they're going to react. And the key to all this is even crazier. You cannot predict what will come into their lives and affect you. I'm learning the key is to stay steady in that. Because if you don't, I promise you, if you don't stay steady in it, the chaos will consume you.