Pain can trigger so many things....

Watching, I remembered coaching football, and how much I loved it. Then, I remember my fall, my choice to fall. I will never forget the old head coach asking why I did it? That I could have came to him. Instead, I chose to fight alone and not the right fight. I could have done so much better. There were some many things and choices I could have made better for my babies and my soul. Instead, I always had a plan or an idea of what I should do. It never mattered what losses would come along the way. Pain, loss, death, they would all play their role. Even a couple of miss deaths. 

All I can say is I’m so glad the bitch woke up. If you knew the story, I sound like a monster, except she tried to stab me over meth. She tried to kill us. No one was around, so no one could have helped. It was me and her as she thrust a knife toward my face, missed, then swung to my chest. I have long arms, so I pushed her back very hard to make space to get away. That was a bad idea. She came off the couch with the force of many. As she lunged towards me, I did a football move and jammed her elbow then push her away towards the floor. Just seemed like the best laid plan at the second. I just wanted to live and not die in my home as my kids were playing outside, trying to avoid the fighting and screaming going on. All over a drug I hate so much. 

Moving back to sitting in the chair thinking about life after she hit the floor, she didn’t move. What just happened? She tried to kill me. I was tying to get away, now what, right? Fate, the hand of God, or just some plain luck, after checking on her and freaking the fuck out. I saw the knife had slid across the room, so we were good there. Upon looking further, no blood, so now what? I was trapped. I picked her up and laid her on the couch. Was she okay? I prayed to father and all of life to help us both. Still nothing. So walked into my room, rolled a joint and went out and sat next to her. Crying, I couldn’t understand what had just happened or why. Then, as I took a huge hit, she woke up. Wow, was I thankful, and still am to this day. What if she didn’t wake up, then what would have become of everything that I had worked too hard for. Not to mention, me, but what about all the other souls. This could have crushed them, all. Wow, so thankful. 

Back at the fields, looking around, I noticed a young boy playing on one of the surrounding teams. He was what you would say is a normal boy on the outside. Yet his soul was different, it was everywhere. It was hard for him to keep himself calm as he just played around. Coach stayed calm and ended up teaching him and having a good practice. However, it wasn’t the coach that felt the chaos of his young soul, it was the others kids around him. As he tried to do what he was asked, he just had so much energy and excitement he couldn’t control himself even if he wanted to. Truthfully, I think he did control himself some. He was very mindful of his actions and tried to give space and roll along. 

With that, eventually his actions slowly began to catch up with him. They were asked to do something basic, so he saw an opportunity to let loose. When he did, by accident, he hit someone. The other kid was quick to say, “Hey that hurt”. Which was normal. Then, I watched the young kid turn around to say sorry, but before he could even open up his mouth the other spoke again, “You’re mean”. My soul fell through my body, down the chair, and into the Earth beneath of us. I’ve heard that my whole life. I looked at the ground and felt like I was a kid on the playground back in elementary school. I did have a couple friends, one still hits like on my stuff. Thanks bro, I hope you know who you are. Not many liked us back then, it is still the same, you could say. All good, but really not all good. 

Looking back at the kid, I could see and feel him make a choice. Instead of sorry, he said nothing and turned and walked away to go play some more. What no one on that field caught but us, was what will come out of what others don’t think matter. It will continue his whole life until one day he can’t take it anymore. Then what? Well, I have that answer too. I guess he was wrong, right? No, he wasn’t wrong, he had no choice. He had to choose between explaining oneself our just moving on. I felt he did the right thing. Then it hit us, why can’t we just walk away when stuff like that happens. I always say demons hide in temples to break your soul slowly. If you cover a hole all at once, people notice. If you sprinkle some in here or there, you can destroy a soul and no one would know except the one feeling it. There are many ways to hurt souls. 

Then, later that night, I was speaking with another man about his son. He also has a very strong soul, at night he does some different things. He says he sees things and speaks to stuff. His dad was warm and caring and asked if I had any ideas to help his son. I smiled and laughed and told him to just be there for him. Let him know it is okay to feel and see things others say you can’t. Of course, they say you can’t because they have a different gift that is not yours. I will say I have different gifts than others too. Like, I told him to be careful how you tell him this. Your son will go through hell, as I have my whole life. The dad responded that I was right and that they keep it quiet, but it seems to hurt him. Then he spoke again, I’m really glad Halloween is coming soon. He loves it, I think it’s because he sees things that he sees his sleep and feels comfortable. That I felt spoke volumes to me and should anyone kind enough to hear our thoughts. 

On that, to every soul on Earth below and above, we are all special, we are all different. No one is God or any figure of help unless someone else is gaining something. Then they are your best friend for the moment. I learned a lot yesterday about myself and others. Nothing in our world will change. There will always be hate and pain. Find your growth and live for that. We come from the Earth and trees make oxygen that gives us life and food beneath our feet. It shouldn’t matter that we want a tree to make money to separate everyone, but a standard that was made before any of our souls were born again. This world has no room for growth that fresh and open. The pie has already been cut up. We are all presents thinking we are better than the next, unless we want something. I’m I wrong of this, yes, yet I find myself fight every second to never be the man I was the day before. Good luck on your travels. Blessed be and God bless and let’s find a way to end this mess as that will never come in my time.