From Scarred Eyes to Open Hearts: A Week of Revelations
Hey my fellow souls! My new book is live - Many Lives, One Soul: My Journey to Becoming Whole
From Scarred Eyes to Open Hearts: A Week of Revelations
Marc Tagliaferri
July 7th, 2024
To be honest with you, I'm a little shocked by the whole thing. I mean, it's just been so much growth, so many exciting things happening around me, not expected whatsoever. I'm very pleased.
I wanna talk about some stuff, but I gotta say that I heard you loud and clear, Tagalong. And you know, you're right about a lot of things you said. I mean a lot, but I gotta tell you, bro, I do have people around me on these ashes. I just have to stop overlooking them. There are a lot of people this week that either I chose not to see through my scarred eyes, or maybe my scarred eyes finally healed, or I have stood on the ashes enough and heard you. I was able to open up after you talked to me because this week has just been astounding.
I've been invited to two parties, and you know, we ain't talking about the stupid-ass house parties I used to go to. But anyways, I just want to tell you I heard you, and you were right about a lot. But we got to stand together and realize the greatness around us. I know you're there for me, and I'm very thankful for it. So anyways, I just wanted you to know, I hear you, I feel you, and we're going to get it done. I won't disappoint you. I'm not going to disappoint me. We got a lot to do. We didn't take all these L's for nothing. I mean, we taking some L's, brother. We take some L's.
But just like laying here on this bed, sitting here, chatting, and petting my wolf Husky, Mack, I love that dog and my Calico cat, Hazel. We’re just chilling, thinking. I mean, how are these not souls too? These are my homies. These are my guys. They're always with me. One I found outside my work; she was homeless. And the other one, well, I bought him on my birthday in January. It's been a great gift to our family.
So anyways, I got to say there's a lot of good things happening. I'm very thankful. And on this Independence Day for America, there are also a lot of good things going on in the world, things people are trying to, you know, stop some of the nonsense. I pray for everyone's souls every day. Every day I ask for everyone to have a smile, have a laugh, break some bread, get some food, and just have some sort of joy. Because that would be just cool, right? If everybody could do that.
But anyways, I was watching the fireworks the other night. It was really cool. We always have this little spot we go to, and we were sitting there relaxing and hanging out. Me, my wife, one of my daughters, and a very close friend of ours, Nathan. He's something else, bro.
I was watching the fireworks, and I could see the little hill in the cemetery where I spent a lot of my time and where all the things go on. And I was watching the fireworks blow up, explode above. It was just amazing to me because I could see, at least to me, all these beautiful ancestral souls watching the fireworks. Some were soldiers, some were from the 1800s, and some, unfortunately, maybe recent. But there are just some souls, and they're all there watching the fireworks.
As I watched the fireworks, my thoughts drifted to the week's events and how incredibly fortunate I am to live in this country. Given the state of the world, I feel a deep sense of gratitude for being where I am. While I care deeply about other countries and always wish them the best, I'm truly thankful for the blessings and opportunities I have here.
So, on that, I want to continue. I would like to tell you a little story. Today I was out swimming, having a blast, to be honest with you. It was great to be amongst people and just kind of hanging out. It was better than I thought. And I was out there throwing a football around with this young man, and he's a good kid. He's smart, sharp, got a little swag to him, you know?
But the funny thing is, somehow, someway, while we're throwing the ball back and forth rapping, I drifted. So I started thinking about my dad, thinking about choices. When I was about 14 I finally got to meet my dad for thie first time. I started to tell this young man about when I first met my dad. It was over there in Santa Monica, just off at the pier at a restaurant. He was a soldier, an Army Ranger. He was an SP5 in the Vietnam War.
When the draft happened, a lot of people ran. My uncle Jerry decided to go up to Canada to avoid the draft, and more power to him. You know, that was his choice. That's how I feel about that. But my father decided to join and sign and not try to dodge the draft. And that's what he did. So he became a soldier, and he wanted me to be a soldier. So that night when we met for the first time, he explained to me that while I may have been extremely talented in a sport and had aspirations to go on, he was quick to reassure me that wasn't going to happen and that I didn't have the right mindset for it. He had come to a couple of my games privately without me knowing about him and said that I was a great athlete, but that my mind wasn't there, that my mental state at some point would stop me.
I mean, when you're 14, you hear that from your dad, you don’t know what to think. He put $1,000 cash on the table while we were eating, and he said, "The deal that I have for you is that you can take this thousand dollars and you enjoy yourself. You do whatever you want the whole summer. I don't care what you do. But when it's over with, you gotta join the army."
It sounded unrealistic, but I'm pretty sure he probably could have pulled it off, to be honest with you. I had already been a Marine. I was a United States devil pup at Camp Pendleton. When I was 14, I went to the LA Police Department, and I trained and tried out and competed against 5,000 people, and I made it. I was the only 14-year-old to make it. I'm extremely proud of that. Yes, I know I'm not a real soldier, and I never was a real soldier, but I was a devil pup.
So anyways, he told me that he wanted me to join the army, and I looked at him, and I think I said yes, to be honest with you, 'cause my aspirations in life were to be either a Marine or a psychologist like my father. He ran Camarillo Hospital before it closed in Valencia, CA. I just wanted to help people. And if I wasn't playing football in the NFL, I wanted to be a Marine. But as I said, my dad wanted me to be in the Army, which is an honor in itself.
That was the last time I saw my dad face to face. I left that night and left him there, and I walked home. I walked home thought the city to my mom. So I told my mom about it, and she told me it was a terrible idea, and we got in a big fight. Then, like two or three days later, for whatever reason, I believed her. And that's on me, not her. I'm gonna tell you that now. I've got plenty of time to think about this. That's on me. I made the choice.
I think that's kind of where it's going here, that I need to start realizing that there's a lot on me, whether I like it or not, whether my eyes are scarred, bruised, or whether my heart is destroyed. I do just cry to whim sometimes. The other day at work, man, it was nuts. I cried for five hours. I cried for the whole first half of the day. I don't even understand what the hell was going on. It was crazy. I mean, I came home and I looked at one of my puppies and said, Hey, listen, if you want to cry, cry. Because in my house, let me tell you, you don't cry for nothing. You better have a reason. I learned Friday that you can cry however you damn well want because I couldn't stop crying. I mean, I was crying in front of everybody. It was crazy. I even told one guy, "What, you got a problem? Go away, I'm working." It was weird. It is what it is.
But anyways, I was talking to Tracy and asked her, do you think after all these years and everything that's happened and all the choices, that somehow, someway, the universe brought me to this moment with this young man? To be able to tell the young man, "Bro, don't let anybody come in between your family. Don't let anybody change your thoughts. Don't let anybody corrupt you on your goals." Honestly, I don't know anybody that's doing that to him, but I truly believe that I felt I had to tell him.
So I want to throw something down about my dad, something I found on the internet about him. So here we go, because it was Independence Day. And before I ever say this, well, I'm just going to say I want thank all the soldiers, I appreciate you. We don't have our freedom without you.
And now that I've said that, I want to tell you what my dad did. The 240th AHC operated about 30 UH-1 Huey helicopters from their main operating base at Bearcat, Vietnam. During the early spring of 1968, about eight of their aircrafts and crew were attached to Project Sigma’s Detachment B-56 of the 5th AFGA to support that unit's top-secret covert operation into Cambodia. Several months later, it was this detachment of the 240th that fought the battle that Roy P. Benavidez came to call “six hours in hell”. Over 36 members of the 240th AHC participated in the Benavidez Medal of Honor incident. They started the emergency extraction with four gunships and four slicks but were reduced to three operational aircraft by the time Roy Benavidez had joined the mission. Three members of the 240th AHC gave their lives for their country and their commanders on 5/2/1968 during the action in Cambodia, for which Roy Benavidez was awarded the Medal of Honor. 33 others of the 240th gave and survived heroic performances that day. We do not know of any subsequent missions for B-50 or B-56, C-5, or CCS that were flown by the 240th.
I also found another picture of my dad and the crew sitting. Sitting left to right, the man by the table is Al Tagliaferri from California. He was Steve's first crew chief, and Steve and Al were flying together in the infamous deadly 240th AHC mid-air on 6/25/68. Al was also on the mission to rescue MOH recipient Roy P. Benavidez, and Al had leapt from his Greyhound Slick in LZ, Cambodia, where all this was taking place to render assistance, and was refusing to leave until everyone had been evacuated. Wow, that's pretty badass, Dad. I'm proud of you. I didn't know you, but I still believe you're with me.
And if you're with me today, when I was down there swimming at that lake, there was a moment when I looked at this young man and said, "Bro, don't ever give up. A long time ago, I took this world for myself, but I never gave up. I kept fighting and fighting. I've lost more than anyone could imagine, but I'm here today. I'm gonna enjoy myself today, and we all can have a good time." I hope you saw that, Dad. I hope you were there. And I hope you understand that I messed up, but maybe, I did something good today. I don't know. Just had to let it all out, had to vent.
I just want Tagalong to know that, yeah, he's right about a lot. But I think that on these ashes, he and I both need to take our scarred eyes and see what's right in front of us, because we might be missing out on more than we think we are. And we might be accepting too many losses that we don't need to accept. Anyways, I hope everyone is having a blessed weekend no matter where you are. And I hope everyone in the world has some peace today of some sort.
"Stay blessed, stay true to yourself, and always remember, you’re never alone on this incredible journey. Wishing you an abundance of peace, love, and an overflow of good vibes until our paths cross again. Thanks for being a part of this adventure with me. Until next time, Deuces!"