Well, there I was after all these years out on another trail...

We want to be everyone’s friend. Truly, that is the goal. Except it doesn’t always seem to work out that way for us, at all. Like for real. No joke. I have lost more people in my life than a large old school phone book. Family. Haha! I held on for real as I felt the pull to want to be like others or the Jones family. Well, that I am not, in any way shape or form. Blended is not the word for it either, as I have been around like a tramp, you could say. Always trying to do this or do that. I finally gave up on the family that never wanted me. My flat head itself can prove that on many levels. They had a party at a park in Long Beach and a family fight, that sent me on my way. Well, my cousin Cindy loves me and that feels amazing. I don’t see her or her family, but I watch her and I care for them all in my soul. When I pray, she is always there, as she was there the day they sent me away, instead of allowing me to find or fight for my dreams. They gave me to my Aunt Jen and the party began. The actions were good until it led to the end of my father’s family. Then we ran, stole her daughter as we headed to the east. As I wondered the countryside, trying to lie to everyone we meet, we found our way to Michigan. 

Three churches and 10 years later, I found out she liked to sleep with pastors and an elder that I knew of. That number could be high or low. Then I broke free one day as I picked a lady off a corner and wanted to be her hero. Then I became everything I never thought I could be. I walked a path no man should walk. I made mistake after mistake along the way. I built four pallet companies from the ground, up. I have eaten with the rich and broken bread, as I have eaten out of trash cans when I was a bum a couple of times. Sometimes alone, and a few times with kids I was trying to raise. That is an entirely different story, for sure. 

I forgot to mention earlier before, breaking free from my slave owner, that controlled me with sex and the fact she said I would leave like my father did to me. She cut my dick up eight times with a razor blade. She poured boiling vinegar water all over the front of my face. Or as she would tell me how one day I would wake up with me looking at myself because she would drug me and then say she would place my eyes on a pillow still attached. It scared me. Pussy? My bad, I guess. When I would try to leave, she would use our kids to stop me. Until one day, well, I left. 

And then one day I chose to smoke meth. Then, I thought I was superman. Or like someone said, just let Tagalong out, let your personality go. So, I did. That is when we began to finally understand the sad truth of life. Then one day she left like a ghost in the night. What I found funny was I thought the world ended, how funny is that. Then a new turn began. In that time, I was alone with a new group of kids. My sons and I were alone to deal with the loss of family again all around us. Death had shown itself a couple of times, yet we walked away. God bless.

We found a town, where there were many trials dealt to which we had a choice to grow or not. We still fought to change every day. Then they gave us a chance, maybe they didn’t understand me, but they loved my sons and that was my gift. Maybe that was the only reason I was given another chance. I walked out the courthouse that day, it could have been the spot that ended it all. I feel it is how you act and to which your actions will tell the story. Who doesn’t make mistakes. It’s the grind to fix it, or at least try to learn to not do it again in your growth. 

Yet in the end, 3 of the 4 boys have had a crack to college football. Two still playing, the other walked away as it is not his thing. I respect his choice. Now we sit in a home full of love and many personalities, for sure. We have young men and ladies building for a future I could never image we could have. Let alone to watch and try to help our babies become better than Tracy and me, as that seems to be our goal in life.

With all that, I will say I have been working on a hunt that started long ago on a night that I have no date or time frame of proof of it. However, we have told millions what happened in our two books [This Is Why You Think I Am Crazy and Tagalong] and of course all the blogs as I write to vent and explain. I thought I could help people. I thought I could be smart and show the world what I found as an ED student or a retard (as they called me growing up). Or even today when I try to explain to another human that a blue man came to me at nine and stated if I found the pentagram, I would find God and much more than I could ever image. 

So when I did find things over the past 5 years or so, all I wanted to do was be smart. And to make my sons and daughters proud, also the people I like to call the pillars among the ashes we walk through daily. I only wanted to be everyone’s friend in our town. But it is not going to be that way, and that is okay. I am kind of an asshole. We wear it well, for sure. Just ask my family or a random person walking by. However, I will make this very clear, if you act like a lady that is how I will treat you. If you act like a man, that is how I will treat you. If you are shady or if you are what ever you want to be that day, well we will respond to you if you make us. Which to me makes no sense at all. I guess it is what it is, for sure. It is funny at times to watch people walk away from me, or they won’t park next to me. There always seem to be a 15-25 foot radius created by others. Yet the birds through our town seem to sing to us everywhere you go. Yes, I feed them, for they are the watchers of our Father.

With that being said, I have to say I have found it all. I have all the proof that makes me many things in many eyes. I want to say, I never in my right mind thought that I would hear, well welcome home.  When I did, my soul fell to the ground and I felt so humble I couldn’t even breath. I had waited a lifetime to hear that in some form. Then a kind lady in a conversation we had about our area and town smiled and said, “Welcome back.” 

On that note, I have put in some thought because I do love our town and everyone that has helped us find our lost mind. I feel it is time to walk away. It is time to change the game to be able to say I found what couldn’t be found. Well, it makes us feel pretty good. Even if we were completely nuts to everyone else in these world. I tried to do what I was told long ago. God is real, everyone!!!! Yet we’re all wrong, it is a very sad state our world is in. I promise, daily I pray many things. I wish the best for all, but for my family’s sake and our town’s sake, I feel. We need to do what the blue man/boy and that was, don’t speak to anyone about it, just do it. 

To all those who have read my books and blogs, thank you. It is very much appreciated. May all your families be blessed. 

Peace. Deuces.

"Stay blessed, stay true to yourself, and always remember, you’re never alone on this incredible journey. Wishing you an abundance of peace, love, and an overflow of good vibes until our paths cross again. Thanks for being a part of this adventure with me. Until next time, Deuces!"