A man that I respect and look towards in some ways...

Thinking of all that, sitting in the yard be the statues in our yard, I heard my girl Blair bear yell out, “Hey dad come inside with me and my brothers and sis.” There was no reason to just sit outside staring into the sky. She persisted, “Dad, come on inside and enjoy your family, our family daddy. I love you, daddy!!” Turning my head, I looked into her eyes. What a gift she has been to my soul. Then the focus changed within seconds. I saw my other baby girl, I called her pumpkin, as she grew. She used to sing Jesus loves me to me all the time. I can still see her doing it. The thought made my dumbass cry. I’m sorry I didn’t hear you, baby. I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you and your amazing voice. Instead, dad left one day after yelling and screaming. I never came back to you, or your brothers. I’m sorry pumpkin, I hurt you and them, yet that wasn’t the plan at all. But that is what happened. Maybe, someday, until then no one should hold a breath as we have all chosen our paths. I do pray, love you pumpkin.

Then the focus came back into the moment looking at Blair bear, I could see her older sis standing in the doorway. She all dressed up in her Angola soccer hoodie getting ready for work. Just then a car pulled up with her two bro Victor and Marcques as the came home from work at the university. Victor asked about Andre, who was at work. Seeing them also reminded me of their bro, Giovanni, he was going to be twenty-one in a couple of days. Proud of him, he is a fighter for sure, but wonder why he gets that from?

“Hey daddy, where are you at. Where are your thoughts? Never mind, dad come inside and play some Candy Land with me. I beat you last time, you, me, and Cody played with mom, remember?” You could see the sun beam off of her hair and her soul glowing white. Could it have been the sun? Sure, of course, still it was my baby girl. Watching the boys walk by their sis, Marcques speaks up, “Daddy’s home.” Vic just smiles, as Tags turns to look at me over his sis. I smile back at them and speak very clear, “Okay, son.” l wouldn’t have it any other way. LOL

“Hey, dad, are you okay?”, Blair asked with a smile, and continued, “Can I speak dad?” I responded, “Blair, why are you asking? You know our home, speak love…” She said, “I heard you fighting with yourself, with your personalities. I heard them speaking to you and you speaking back. At first, I was scared, but I know they love us all. I watched you as I was hidden in the spot you made for me to hide in. You didn’t even know I was there because I snuck into it. I’m sorry, daddy, that your pain won’t go away. I know you try to hide it. I see you and hear you praying, daddy. They hear your pain over choices you have made. But daddy, can’t you see that you accepted it all. You are over-looking us, daddy. Haven’t you done this before? Come inside, dad, let’s play a game.” Those words struck a cord with me, as Tagalong loves games. Staring into her eyes, I felt all the ancestors from our family flowing around us. I could feel so much, as I feel Blair felt it also. Yet, she is too young to understand at the moment. As I have said and will always say, all our ancestors are welcome in my garden, for they were all one together at one time. For it is not my place to judge them, only learn to find their truth and mine. I have taken this up with Father. It seems to be no problem as they are welcome with good intentions. 

“Come on, dad, please. I also hear you and mom talking with the door closed and TV up. I’m sorry you feel like you’re going crazy and no one really seems to believe you. Yet, sprinkles come through for you here and there. I have seen things or places you find that change or disappear. It is weird, dad. I love you dad, crazy or not !!! Remember the other day when we took a walk. You drifted into the woods as you heard something, isn’t that how you found the hole on the wall? We went inside after you found it. You were so excited, jumping around. You thanked God you found something you said no one thought you could. I don’t know what we really found, as you didn’t say. Maybe one day I will. It was scary at first when we looked into the hole together. Everything you told me about was cool. It was also cool the other day when we were at the movies on the mound, and we saw that spooky cool movie. It reminded me of that spot in the woods we found. Except there was a longer hat, and we didn’t have your hat with us dad, but it was on the wall at home.”

“You were so happy that day, like in the movie. But the movie is not real. What we found was real. You are doing good, daddy, even though no one believes you. The right ones will see it one day. They will hear you. You just have to have faith, daddy. We all have been with you the whole time, watching you as you do your stuff. I believe you daddy as I saw it daddy. Come inside dad, hear me please. You say you have missed so much stuff because your mind has been everywhere else. Hear me as you may have not heard other cries for help, but before you lose your fight, hear mine and all of my siblings that are trying. We love you and believe you. Come inside and play and with me, mom, Cody, and maybe even my older brothers. Haven’t you had enough? Football is soon, Marcques and Andre are in college. Cody is about to begin his journey. Sis is playing varsity soccer for third year. And me, dad, I have soccer games too. And I want to learn and play basketball.” Standing up, I walked over to Blair touched her head, leaned down kissed her, and said “Let’s go play that game and see what is next.”

To all those who have read my books and blogs, thank you. It is very much appreciated. May all your families be blessed. 

Peace. Deuces.