One Man’s Disappointment Is Another Man’s Growth
Embedded Files
Hey my fellow souls! My new book is live - Many Lives, One Soul: My Journey to Becoming Whole
Marc Tagliaferri
August 14, 2022
‘Tis the season in our household......
‘Tis the season in our household......
not to mention millions of families across America. The season is the start of school, which also means in America, football season is back. In our family, for example, it is the start of a new year of promise, hope, and a way to focus our energy towards the new year. Between our kids being in pee wee football grades, 3 through 5, to our son who plays football at the university, to our 2 high school kids, one in football and the other in soccer. Our daughter loves the sport. Her passion for the sport has opened my old eyes up on life and perspectives in life. The truth, as sad as it was, I hated soccer, or I thought I did. I can’t really answer why I did. Looking back, I must have chosen the mass on that one, it was a culture thing. Did my soul fold under someone else’s thoughts that I either heard enough of, or for some reason I was just going to hate a sport because I didn’t understand it? Man, I hope not, that is sad no matter how you look at it.
With that being said, we always speak of growth, right? Growth means that somewhere along the lines we made a mistake of some sort. Then, we went back and thought things through. We corrected our thoughts and actions to match the level that we had just climbed. After that, it’s about a fresh thought. The expectation is that one is not the greatest, one can grow, one can learn, one can change. Really for me and our temple that word has become our symbol to a point. Change is always coming, so we should all change to grow. I’ve found that is the only way for us. We accept are thoughts and others actions based off our actions. Then just move-on.
Yesterday and the evening before, I was able to live these thoughts in many ways. During this time I was at a football scrimmage Friday night and Saturday at a jamboree for soccer. I couldn’t stop us from taking everything in as a parent trying to push his babies to college, as he knows that is the only way they are going to be better than him is to push them hard. Break them to build them, kind of thing. Without school, good grades and sports, I will not be able to give them college, it is that simple. They have to grind to get the next level, that is reality. What’s wrong with that? Nothing, grind away, babies. Learn life and know what could come if you do not do good in classrooms or on the fields.
What I never knew was coming when this all started was all the lessons we would learn along the way. It’s truly amazing what can be found if one really tries to change and fight. When all you really want to do is fuck shit up and blame the world for all. Yeah, that was us and I had no clue, truthfully. We felt a lot of things, except maybe something we should have. Should have, could have, right.
Back to Friday, I like to go backwards with things, so let’s start on Friday night around 430 pm. Talking with Tracy, our plans had changed for the game. All good, things come up in life. Upon heading out for our drive to a stadium to watch a promise on the field, the thoughts of the future and the season were all over the place. Excitement for everyone, really, but of course for me as well.
Getting to the field, I texted a friend to ask if they could save me a seat with his family. Some tricks or treats, others like a king that represents all very well. Something we have been doing for almost a decade. The answer back was “yes sir”. Then it hit me, I would not be doing that next year. Walking towards the field with my backpack full of snacks and drinks for the game, I felt a sense of loss, a sense of the end coming to something we have loved my whole life. Whether it was me at 5, running down the hallway, with my stuffed animals replicating a play I just watched on the TV. My mom would yell as I banged through the hallway, playing a game my soul could feel. Flag football, high school or some field or even a patch of grass was all we needed to play the game. I did as a grown man with only 30 percent use in one leg play some semi-pro football. However, meth, drugs, and a few ladies were more important than that.
Walking towards a field, our thoughts were all over the place. We have started years on this field and even lost a playoff game on it in the cold, freezing weather. We have seen many careers start and many tears of sadness either way, great memories. As the game played on, I didn’t think the way I had before, well it started, but that voice spoke to stop Marc, to look around. It was about a lot of things. There was amazing fellowship in the stands. People talking about the lives of their babies and the college goals they had for their family and what they were going to do to grow. They spoke of how proud they were of something among us all and what some other’s babies have done with their growth. Advice was shared on life and so much warm and care was among the group.
It got me to thinking as I heard a group talking about an athlete from the other team. His abilities were great, for sure, but the fact they wanted him to grow to be better and get his dreams was incredible to me. I’ve heard that kind of conversation before among the stands, but I guess I never really took the time to take it all in and to hear the care and concern for others. To me, it all was about getting these kids to the next level right. I noticed more than I ever had before, for sure.
There was about ten minutes left before it was done. So I decided it was time to go. We don’t take a picture unless we win, otherwise no need, right? We or I’ve done that for years. Just felt like a thing. So I decided I didn’t want to be a parent that gets in the way during my son’s senior year or even in the coaches’ way, so I left the scrimmage to beat the night sky to come. I’m old, so I get night blindness, at times, and it’s hard to drive, so I like to hitch rides to games. It seemed like a good idea, you know what the results were? I was blinded by the sky and missed my turn and ended up in Ohio somewhere.
After finding my way home, I decided I wanted to go to a local bar I like to hang out at and shoot pool. I lose a lot, but it’s how you lose. Anyways, going to the bar was also important as my friend is going to get married. After landing there with them, the night played its way out. I sat in the corner watching people, be people. I couldn’t help but think I had made a mistake by leaving the game early. I couldn’t shake it. I felt like I let my son down, but in my head we were doing right. I was giving space and respecting the program and their coaches. What I missed in it all was my son, Andre Vincent Tagliaferri. He wears number 1 to honor his dad, who “thought” 10 was the greatest number. A thought that fell short.
I didn’t see his face, but later we felt it in a text from him. He was cool and said he understood why. He told me our friends explained it to him. The really sad part is he looked up to see me, and I was gone. I wonder if he saw us walking away from the field. I wonder what his thoughts were. In the bar that night and on the walk home, I knew we were twisted from our day, and my pain to hide it in a bar became my son’s pain in the end. Growth is learning, no matter what. Even if you learn you’re not a great dad, or person, it’s what you do with the moment you catch it, that matters later.
Saturday morning around 1:30AM, walking down the road, I know we are going to have a soccer game today for my daughter, Makayla. It’s varsity, also. She’s okay, you could say. As I’m thinking about it, I realize that it’s a new beginning for us, a new adventure to learn and grow from. What was I going to do at the game? Trust me when I say we want to do good, at times my mouth or quick actions can hurt me or others like the example above.
That is when the choice to write this blog came. And I have to say I went to the game. There was rain and at some point we wondered if the games would be played. Again, I watched people’s souls come together for all of our babies. Great conversation among everyone around, and warmth everywhere. Except this time, I was not worried about what ever. I knew what I had felt and thought about the night before. So I embraced the area more than I normally would. I had a great time. I feel like soccer is a new beginning for us and my family’ We had a blast, our team went 1-1 on the day. As I watched them, I could also see the other football players below doing what they do. I wish I could take back Friday night, knowing it wasn’t right the minute I left the game. Saturday, they had to force me to leave. Never again will I allow myself to hurt my babies’ soul as my father did mine.
Hey guess what? Turn the page, don’t be like me. I hold onto the pain only to hurt the ones I love. Crazy is when you continue to do the same thing. Well, I guess I’m a nut then, except we want growth. On a very important side note, I am very thankful for all the young men and families I have met over the decade. Some bonds will never be broken. We will always appreciate all of you as I’m not who or what I have become without all of you to a point. Thank you all! Thank you for your time and thoughts.
Also, Go Oakland AKA LA Raiders, and Las Vegas Raiders, just saying. To a guy at work, Hey Mark, another year of watching the highlight of a dropped pass that happened December 23, 1972 in an AFC Divisional playoff game. He didn’t catch that, bro. That’s why they cut the clip, and you can’t see the ball. All good bro. When you are a Raider fan, you are used to it. Go Raider Nation. Heck, I wasn’t even born again, yet, but still felt that in the womb. LOL Blessed be and God Bless everyone. Thank you all for your time.
"Stay blessed, stay true to yourself, and always remember, you’re never alone on this incredible journey. Wishing you an abundance of peace, love, and an overflow of good vibes until our paths cross again. Thanks for being a part of this adventure with me. Until next time, Deuces!"
Page updated
Google Sites
Report abuse